If you’re personally close with me, you’ve known the amount of material things I’ve given away or trashed to prepare for this tour and move. All of my furniture, books, and records were given away or sold. And a lot of my art was given away — I kept a very small amount (about 100 drawings and paintings on paper) and created a cardboard flat file and duct taped it shut. I meant to give it to a family member to ship but ended up putting it in the cargo bag on our roof rack.

On our way out of Kansas City, we decided to re-arrange everything in the car and roof rack to make the drive to St. Louis more comfortable. As we were pulling everything off the roof — Patrick handed me the flat file of my drawings and we discovered it was wet.

I saved about 1/10 of the total amount of artworks I had stored in Denver in this flat file. They were the strongest pieces, the most personally meaningful and my favorites. I had 100’s of pieces before we left but I minimized what I was taking with me down to around 100. I ended up throwing a way a lot of drawings and paintings from college and felt fine about it. For the pieces that I couldn’t decide to take or throw away, I ended up giving to friends and family.

What was in the flat file were the pieces I thought were worth hauling across country and dealing with not only the physical space they took up but also the mental. With everything else I had trashed or given away — these were what was left. They were the few material things in my possession that meant anything to me.

Out of the 100+ drawings, I’m left with 7. 7 drawings with obvious water damage. 7 drawings out of the hundreds I had — some from over a decade ago. If you’re not an artist I really don’t know what to compare this to losing… its more than losing photo albums. I feel like I’ve lost a part of myself. Hours upon hours of deliberation, intent and emotion is now sitting on the side of the road — soaked and stuck together, most likely rotting.

I’m devastated.